03 July 2012

Who Moved My Cheese?

And why did he move it?

I have come to conclude that there is a broader psychological experiment going on; moreover, I and any other person dealing with the Russian bureaucracy is a subject of that experiment.  Someone in a white lab coat is watching us rats grope and grovel our way through an endless maze with continuously changing conditions.  Because there is no predictability, the objective of the experiment appears to be gauging reactions to situations that prevent conditioned learning.  There can be no other rational explanation.

Humbly Yours, Serving the Russian Bureaucracy

The agonizing saga of reimporting my car back into Russia continues.  Twice, I have been rejected by the Transportation Authority.  The second excuse for not processing my paperwork was a masterstroke.


The pencil pusher with seemingly magical powers to either grant me some piece of paper or continue to give me the runaround did the latter:  He rejected my application on the grounds that my Russian automobile insurance had my name in Latin letters and, because he was unable to read Latin letters, he could not be sure that the insurance was in fact in my name.  The argument that my passport number on the insurance form matched the number in my passport and the Latin letters in both documents also matched did have any sway.  


My Cheese:  A Stamped Document from a Bureaucrat


Instead of yielding to common sense, the bureaucrat instructed me to go to a specific insurance kiosk and buy a new policy that inscribed my name in Cyrillic letters.  Once I went there, I suspected that the insurance agent and the Transportation Authority bureaucrat had a kickback agreement - where the agent would reward the bureaucrat for new business.  Disgusted, I refused to go along, went to my original agent to request the change, and wasted another day on this dreadfully inefficient and inane process.


Who Moved My Cheese?


Here is the rub:  Last year, the same guy with the same paperwork did not have any problem giving me the paperwork needed to keep my car in Russia for another year without paying a $15,000 "import" tax.  This year, the game was completely different.  A seemingly random barrier was erected to prevent the job from getting done.  Someone moved my cheese!

Ultimately, the question is why the rules are different this time around?  Is it because bureaucrats are trying to do as little as possible while making a coin on the side?  Or is that explanation way too blatant to be true and, in fact, something grander and sinister is going on?  Could it be that someone is doing a vast experiment, with the subjects being subjects of the Russian bureaucracy, and the premise of the experiment being just how far the subjects could be pushed until the break, play dead, or rebel?

24 June 2012

Life is a Dog


I found this trained begging dog on the grounds of Exhibition of Achievements of the National Economy (ВДНХ) in Moscow.  The irony, of course, is a beggar dog on the grounds of "Exhibition of Achievements of the National Economy."

The youngster was very well-behaved and cute.  I take it that the irony of the situation was part of the art portrayed by the dog - whose job can be defined as a street performer, social commentator, or political activist under better interpretations.

23 June 2012

Something To Celebrate

Here is a bit of self-organization to perform something fun and amazing.  With this spirit - if sustained - Russians could take their country far into the future.


03 June 2012

Keynesian Economics

Keynesian economics, among other things, posits that an active participation by the public sector (government) is needed in certain points of the economics cycle to eliminate uncertainty, stabilize the system, and incite national growth.  In particular, the government may be called upon to create jobs, no matter how inefficiently, to put money in consumers' pockets and stoke spending.


The construction of the fabled Golden Gate Bridge has aspects of Keynesian economics:  Assembled in San Francisco, the bridge's parts were constructed on the US East Coast and transported via railroad across the country to spur economic on a wide geographical basis on the tails of the 1929 market crash and ensuing Great Depression.

I am sort of witnessing my own version of Keynesian economics here in Russia, except the Russian version appears to be a public-private partnership:  You see, several jobs are protected to secure a simple outcome, no matter how inefficiently.

John Maynard Keynes: A Giant Among Men

As a foreign worker in Russia, I have the privilege of bringing a personal car with me to Russia without paying import duties.  That privilege has to be renewed annually by, effectively, reimporting the car.  This means that I have to drive my Toyota minivan across international borders and drive back into Russia.  The closest border to Moscow is Belarus, but Russia and Belarus have a common customs regime, making that border impractical.  The next closest border is Ukraine, but I have been advised that border officials (on both sides) behave more professionally at the Finnish border, some 600 miles (1,000 km) away and back.

To drive the car to the border, I have to reclaim my California license plate (I used to have two plates, but someone stole one of them) from the Transportation Authorities.  As in almost every case when on deals with Russian government authorities, one has to show legal residence (this applies to Russian citizens as well).  In foreigner's case, legal residence is established through a registration process, and that process needs to be kicked off upon every entrance into the country.  Because of my job, I travel abroad frequently, so I have to register frequently.

Except, that I did not register last time I entered Russia.  Realizing this, the good folks around me urged me to quickly register before the end of the day.  I kid you not, but the process was like this:

  1. A helpful and knowledgeable HR professional took on the responsibility to register me.
  2. The registration requires the CEO's signature.  The CEO was out of the office, so we had to get a courier to take the forms to him.  The courier was not reachable, so we used a driver to do the same thing.
  3. Once the forms were signed, they were to be taken to the right authorities for finalization; except that drivers only drive.  Because the courier was unavailable and because time was running out, the HR professional, her director, and I had a firefighting meeting to discuss what to do.
  4. We called my wife and asked her if one of her employees would be able to intercept the forms from the driver and deliver them to the authorities before 5:00 pm.  
  5. She reached out to two people, and got one of them to sign on.
  6. He sprinted from my wife's office to the authorities (about a 2 km run) and got into the door at 4:57 pm.
  7. Once the forms were signed, the brave runner handed back the forms to my wife, who handed them back to me so that I can hand them back to the helpful HR professional.
It took seven people, several calls, a couple of meetings, and a mad dash to get me registered (hats off to Keynesian job creation).  

The next day, I accompanied my driver to the Transportation Authorities to exchange my Russian plates for my California one (singular).  My driver had already scouted the Transportation Authorities to ensure that we understood the process there.  Luckily, things went smoothly:
  1. We showed up at one window to make a petition;
  2. We then drove to a nearby inspection site to ensure that all was OK with the automobile;
  3. We then went back to the same window to await to be called with the final forms;
  4. With the final forms, we went to another department to get the California plate and answer questions of why we only had one.
This phase took six people.

Now comes the drive to Finland.  I have developed a phobia of sorts here:  I limit my driving whenever I can (hence my driver and the extra cost that goes with it).  To take the car across the border, I will ride a couple of trains to a border town, pick up the car from my driver, exit Russia after completing some customs forms (it will take two customs officials per my experience last year), drive to Finland and get through their customs (it involved three Finns last year), and then drive back to Russia and engage another two Russian customs officials over an hour or so.  This leg takes nine people.

Dorothea Lange's Migrant Mother:  I wish I were living in Russia!

Eliminating duplicate heads, the entire operation involves some 19 people.  That is a lot of time, people, and expenses for something rather simple:  Allowing me to keep my personal car without a $15,000 import duty for my family's private use.  Apparently, comparing personal effects import and export manifests when a foreign worker moves into and out of Russia, and collecting taxes at that juncture if needed, is too efficient and does not create or protect enough jobs.  

John Maynard Keynes is rolling his his grave now.

You Can Take a Boy Out of Russia ...

But you cannot take Russia out of the boy.



Here are some street performers playing in Salzburg, Austria, Mozart's hometown, on 1 June 2012.

29 May 2012

From Safety to Comfort

They use to put airbags inside the steering wheel; now they are stuffing them with pillows.

28 May 2012

Dancing Girls with Big Jugs


The girls' jugs were on their heads, and each dancer only had one; nonetheless, it was a good show.

15 May 2012

My Bank Thinks “I” Means Idiot, not Interest

They also think that red is a good color in finance.


Alfa Bank (Альфа Банк) is my bank in Russia.  In case you are wondering, I have not misspelled “alpha.”  My bank choice is as unfortunate as the idiotic and intentional English misspelling of the bank’s name.


My bank account hit by what appears to have been a systematic fraud operation in Russia:  Somehow, my debit card information and PIN number were compromised and the result was a multi-thousand dollar theft loss.  The same appears to have been true for many other people, including a few acquaintances, at various banks.  To be fair, this could happen anywhere.

Alfa Bank was good enough to detect fraud after the seventh thousand dollar left my account but, per a branch manager, the bank could not guarantee the safety of my funds in the bank at any time.  In other words, the bank manager admitted that Alfa Bank is of the same safety grade as any random hole in the ground, except that because the word “bank” is in Alfa Bank’s name, it is a bigger target.  This is not OK and should not happen anywhere.  Let’s award “I1” to the bank manager for the insanely idiotic nature of her statement.

I2 is awarded to the same bank manager idiot for instructing me to file a police repot for a breach in a bank that she manages, so that the police can investigate the crime.  She then said to wait for 9 months to get the results back.  I am starting to wonder whether I should report her to the police for criminal negligence.

Welcome to the Alfa VIP Lounge

I3 is awarded to whichever idiot that designated me as a “VIP Client.”  Unsatisfied with the idiot in charge who got the I1 and I2 awards, I went to a separate branch to push my case.  The bank staff, having identified me as a VIP Client, put me in a private office and asked a pretty 19-year-old girl to tend to my needs.  I told the girl that she was very nice, but I needed someone competent and asked her to send the branch manager in.

At Alfa Bank, We Select Our Managers Carefully

Out walked the girl and in walked in a clown.  He deserves I4, I5, and I6.  

I4 is for his shirt:  This pudgy self-designated Romeo was wearing a very tight, multi-colored Tommy Hilfiger polo over his budging belly.  When I say multicolored, I mean that each sleeve had a different primary color, as did his collar.  And for some weird reason, his shirt was stitched together in the middle with yet fabric of different color.  It was like watching a TV color test screen.  Befittingly, he disseminated just as much useful content.

My Fashion, My Brain

I5 is for the clown’s necktie.  As if his shirt was not offensive enough, dumbbell the banker also sported a weirdly knotted tie that was just long enough to fit only an 11-year-old choirboy properly, with the tip just hovering above his protruding tummy.  And as difficult as it seems, none of the colors of his tacky tie matched any of the gazillion colors of his stupid shirt.  I mean:  Come on!

The clown noticed that I was agitated.  He heard my story and tried to console me.  This effort gets him an I6.  Without reviewing any documentation, he said to come back after 70 days to know where the bank investigation has led.  Bank investigation?  Really?  I thought I had to file a police so that they could analyze the bank’s failings.  Does the bank have any sort of process, or train any of its managers on process?

Here is a tidbit for others who find themselves in a similar situation as me:  By Russian law, a bank is obliged to answer to a consumer demand similar in nature to mine within 10 days.  If the bank refuses to compensate the consumer for fraudulent losses, the consumer has the option of suing the bank in a Russian court.  In most cases, the court sides with the consumer. 

How did I learn this?  A former Alfa Bank operations manager, who left the company for greener pastures, confirmed this information nugget.  Somehow, existing Alfa Bank managers seem to be oblivious to this.

Maybe the first bank manager was right, and my I1 award was undeserved:  Alfa Bank is about as good as a hole in the ground.  In any case, the bank deserves a new, more descriptive logo (luckily, it still preserves their red color scheme).

Alfa Bank: Operational Excellence

Alfa Bank, just FYI:  Red in financial parlance means “loss.”  At least, your color is accurately descriptive.

07 May 2012

Made in China, Almost Mexican


Here comes the TACOS steamroller.  Sorry, my error.  It is the TC4OS kind.

Thievery, Mastery, and Artistry

Approximately one year ago, I was walking in downtown Moscow, less than half a mile away from the Kremlin.  Three men, without any apparent connection, were walking towards me almost in a single file.  The first dropped something as he passed me.  The second picked up the dropped package, appearing to be a stack of $100 bills, and asked me, with an innocent smile and a bushy tail, whether this were my money.  As I was explaining that he package probably belonged to the first man, the third man approached the second man and me, showed a police badge, and started to interrogate me.  The expectation was that I pay a "bribe" to the police, bogus or real, to get out of the sticky trap.  I just walked away.  The thievery attempt was clumsy by common street crooks and cons trying to make a quick coin.
  • Category:  Thievery
  • Expected Loss:  Multiples of tens of dollars
  • Actual Loss:  $0


Approximately a month ago, I returned to Russia from abroad with two new, unopened iPads in my luggage.  The Russian customs at Domodedovo, a flagship airport in Russia, asked me to place my suitcase in the X-ray machine.  I complied.  A customs official ordered me to open my luggage and took intense interest in a single, white tube sock.  Puzzled, I asked why thy liked my sock so much.  The focused changed immediately to a handful of vitamin pills I had in the luggage.  Puzzled again, I explained that those were vitamins.  The customs official was then satisfied, quickly zipped up my bag, and allowed me to enter Russia.  I arrived home, opened my luggage, and found that the two iPads were missing.  The focus on the tube sock and vitamins, however brief, was a diversion.  This is more than common thievery by street hoodlums; this is mastery by government law-enforcment officials.  Hats off to Russian Customs.
  • Category:  Mastery
  • Expected Loss:  $0
  • Actual Loss:  Multiples of hundreds of dollars


Exactly yesterday, I received a call from my Russian bank asking if I had made multiple, large ATM withdraws in quick succession.  I answered "no" and asked for my account to be blocked.  As it turns out, someone had replicated both my ATM card and matched it to my PIN code, thereby getting unfettered access to my account.  The probable methods of getting both pieced of information are: (1) someone in the bank leaked the information; (2) someone hacked the bank's security and stole this information pair; or (3) someone hacked an ATM to get the card data as well as using surveillance of some sort to get my PIN code, and then went to town with it.  If (1) is true, then this is a case of bank fraud.  If (2) is true, then we have a case of negligence by my bank.  If (3) is true, and because I only use large, well-known bank's ATMs, there is a fundamental problem with the integrity the banking system here.  There is no good possibility. 

I presented the case to a bank manager yesterday shortly after the event.  Her response was:  "Sorry, the bank cannot guarantee the safety of your funds."  Her statement was tantamount to "one cannot reasonably expect that his money will be in his account tomorrow or the next day.  Caveat emptor, and good luck."  

This situation is so mind boggling and unsettling that it can only be explained as artistry.  This artistic presentation makes a clear impression that nothing can be taken for granted.
  • Category:  Artistry
  • Expected Loss:  Negative dollars; in actuality, one should earn interest.
  • Actual Loss:  Multiples of thousands of dollars


Summary:  

Category Expected Loss Actual Loss
Thievery Multiples of tens of dollars $0
Mastery $0 Multiples of hundreds of dollars
Artistry None; actually a gain is expected Multiples of thousands of dollars

What's the next growth echelon after artistry?  Whatever it is, I do not like where this is going.